id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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