shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
