just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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