The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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