If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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