if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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