why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
