At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
