so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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