so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
