And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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