I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
