I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
