I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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