Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
