Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
