if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
