True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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