he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm really busy with my period
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