I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
