My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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