Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
