Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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