you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
