I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize