I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
