please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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