he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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