I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's never too late to be topless.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
