im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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