Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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