I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
