you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
