...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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