Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize