Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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