he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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