His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
