Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
