There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
