drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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