It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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