mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
