My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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