Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
