I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
