Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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