Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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