What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
