so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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