you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
