eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
