I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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