I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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