So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
