benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
