worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
