wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
