i don't like sucking hair
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
