I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wear drunk well.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
