i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
