What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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