I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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