this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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