dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
